Many of those who have had a mediumship reading have heard that our partner wants us to "move on" or "be happy," and some of us have even been told our partner will "send you someone." For people who have a lost a partner and who want to remarry, this may be a welcome message, but for Red String Society members it can be a message that brings great confusion, hurt, and frustration. The cause of getting this message, as evidenced by my own personal experience and that of others, is not so much that partners in spirit are bringing forward this message to "move on", but that it's rooted in society's systemic attitudes towards relationships as well as in the medium's personal frame of reference. Previous articles have discussed how our society tends to view relationships as tangential and the vow "til death do us part" is sometimes taken to mean that the marriage is terminated upon a spouse's death or that perhaps the relationship is put on hold until they reunite one day on the other side. Some people view this as fulfillment of their vows and that's a perfectly fine choice. To chose to have a new relationship is not a shortcoming or a decision that should be viewed with judgement. However, the option to NOT repartner is not treated with the same level of legitimacy, respect, and acceptance as the option to repartner or remarry. I have been on the receiving end of mediums telling me to repartner and "move on." I believe the mediums were kind-hearted individuals who meant well because, in our society, remarrying or "loving again" is unfortunately considered the only sure sign of a person having healed from their grief. However, little is really said about "loving still" or continuing a relationship with a partner who has crossed over. I have also received the contradictory message that my partner actually loves that we're still together, which was certainly evidence they were talking to him as the mediums who gave this message had no prior knowledge of who I am or that I've chosen to continue to be with my partner. I've also experienced mediums back peddling and retracting the "move on" message. All of these experiences support my theory that messages of this type are founded upon societal conditioning that permeates a medium's frame of reference. We're all only human, after all. The goal of mediumship is to translate and present information without contaminating it with your own interpretation. For example, when you get a symbol, give the symbol. The person may respond "Oh pink lilies are my favorite! He always gave me pink lilies" Or if the sitter does not say anything, I may say, "Well pink lilies to me usually mean a girl's birthday is coming up within the next month." The sitter might then say "Oh yes! Our daughter's birthday is in two weeks." The key is to first present the symbol because, to paraphrase a point made by John Edward, "Sometimes a pink lily is just a pink lily." It may not represent what the medium believes it represents. Ideally, we want to maintain a degree of non-bias, but again all people, mediums included, are governed by their frame of reference, which is composed of our cumulative knowledge, belief systems, and personal experiences. For example, I didn't used to
receive names in readings very frequently until I read the big book of baby names and browsed the names on the Social Security website. The purpose was to familiarize myself with names so they would become incorporated into my frame of reference. After doing this, I was able to ask spirit communicators their name and actually perceive the response. Furthermore, I will mention that I had an experience in which a medium I greatly admire gave me a reading in front of a group. While the medium was incredibly accurate, they also moved into the repartnering area and my partner interrupted to say "You're doing a really bad job of representing me and my emotions." The medium then had to back peddle and reinterpret things. I told this medium the truth about our relationship and took time to explain the option to stay partnered to a love in spirit. I even directed them here to browse our public information. This previously was not in their frame of reference. It's common for well-meaning mediums to advise us to "move on" because, in our society, repartnering is the equivalent of healing from grief. In my communications with other mediums, I have taken time to explain that we never tell a parent to have a new child in order to heal from the loss of a child who died, nor do we tell a child who lost a parent to get a new set of parents. The outreach has had a positive effect on the mediums with whom I've shared this information. I believe the tone is changing gradually, but "frame of reference" is truly everything and we should always keep that in mind when receiving a reading. As previously stated, it is ideal a medium mostly let their frame of reference fall to the side while giving a reading so information can flow organically and evidentially. However, we're all human and we can't help but have our own thoughts - thoughts heavily influenced by our culture - intercede on occasion. I think the key is to remember "frame of reference" and, if these relationships are not in the medium's frame of reference, I think we should take the time to politely provide this information.