Every morning for the past seven, almost eight years now, and every night, I tell you how much I love you, that you mean everything to me, and how lucky I feel that you are my wife. How many people on Earth have ever found that person who fills you with such overwhelming love and happiness, makes you feel whole and complete, and they feel the same about you?
That's just not something I can "leave behind," or '"move on" from, because it is the most rare thing in the universe to find and be with that person - my true love romantic soul mate, my ride-or-die best friend, my tough, sweet, cute, witty, charming, sexy, passionate Southern girl, hippy, Gypsy Queen Irene.
I will cherish you as long as I exist, there is no room in me for any other. I cannot bear to even think of letting you go, or the thought of being with anyone else. Thinking of you, and us, fills me with an enormous sense of beauty and appreciation; nothing else in my life really even matters. I am immune to the sorrows, problems and issues of this world because of our eternal love.
I'm not even sad about your death any more; yes, I'll say it: I have even become grateful for it, because one of us was going to die first at some point and move beyond the pain and suffering, trials and brutal nature of this world. I'm glad it was you, because now you are safe and with your father, your mother, the child you lost, and others you love that died before you.
I know that there are far worse things that can happen to those we love besides dying, and I am grateful you are now beyond the reach of those awful, terrible things. I no longer need worry about you. I no longer lament some imagined life together that could have been; yes, it may have been good, or even great, but it also could have been so, so much worse. I have fully embraced the way our life together is now, with you safe from harm, and I embrace this opportunity to show you how much I love you, and to hold you in heart every moment of every day.
Now, in this life I have poured myself into, you are my guardian angel, my playful, loving, fun and delightful ghost wife. You are still my confidante, my partner, my best friend, my lover, my woman, my wife. And, I am still yours, baby, and will always be your. What has come after your transition has opened my eyes to the most wonderful secret so few know: we go on, our love continues, and we will be together forever, and we are together even now.
I am also so grateful for what your death revealed to me: the true depth and breadth of my love for you and all that every little thing about you means to me. The little snort that would happens occasionally when you laugh, the cute and endearing way you unconsciously stomp your feet when you are exasperated, the way you would roll your eyes at me for being insufferable. The way you would always, always hold my hand wherever we went, and always sit bundled up right next to me every time we were sitting, anywhere. If not up against me, then in my lap. And, a million other things that were so easy to take for granted before your death.
I know you are still with me. We still laugh, we cry, we make our little jokes and catty, sarcastic comments to each other about the people and world around us, in our private little world together where we understand it is all in good nature and out of love.
What I have with you is, in my eyes, the pinnacle of existence; there is nothing beyond it to achieve, to have, to strive for, to yearn for; you fill that emptiness that used to live in me. My search for peace and completion ended the day we met, and as the man in the movie said, "even death cannot stop true love."
What others think of me does not concern me, because I'm one of the rare lucky ones that has true love. I will protect it, be true to it, and cherish it forever, because when I die and we are fully together again, she will know my love for her and dedication to her never wavered.
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